November 25th, 2011
simon-brady

10 Ways to Beat the Recession

  1. Read every column about economizing written by rich ladies who lunch. Their advice is invaluable.
  2. Don’t buy any more food until you have eaten everything in your freezer. Even the things in foil at the back that might be chicken but could be fish.
  3. Open your own charity shop without telling anyone that you are the charity.
  4. Let Gok Wan dress you and take his haberdashery hints seriously.
  5. At your next drinks party give your guests Thunderbird with fruit juice for a sassy new cocktail. It will put wings on their feet.
  6. Stop buying the Big Issue. Oh, you never bought that anyway. Even when it was raining.
  7. Give up your gym membership and put on weight. The heavier you are the fitter you will have to be to move yourself around.
  8. Take up beekeeping. Your honey budget will shrink to nothing and you no longer need a quick response alarm system.
  9. At night with four friends, throw your car keys into your local park and then walk slowly around swearing as you try to find them. You no longer need your golf club membership.
  10. Look on the bright side. You don’t live in Gaza or the DRC  and you own everything Steve Jobs has ever invented.

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@smbrady8888

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The old order changeth, yielding place to new. And soon I suppose I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumor. Oh, my boys. My boys, we're at the end of an age. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that 'set in;' shat on by Tories, shoveled up by Labor. And here we are, we three, perhaps the last island of beauty in the world.

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